December 14
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How should I tell my kids about my divorce? I have an 11yo daughter and a 5yo son. I need you advise because I would never want my kids to suffer from something like this.

8 Answers:

Christopher avatar

If possible, you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse should have a conversation concerning when you want to tell the kids as well as what you plan to tell them. You may even consider having the conversation with them together, presenting a united front—as this can help reinforce that you are still a family. Even if you cannot have a conversation with them together, discussing what you plan to share is important.

When you have the conversation with your child, you should:

  • Tell them the truth. While you are entitled to your privacy, they will likely want to know why you are divorcing. Giving them a brief, age-appropriate answer can help clarify the situation.
  • Remind them that you love them. Your children, especially those that are younger, need this reassurance. Without this reminder, they may fear that you can or have fallen out of love with them as well.
  • Prepare them for changes. Things will be different; explain what exactly will be different and how so they won’t feel completely blindsided when confronted with change.
  • Point out what won’t change. While your routines and norms will change, some things may not change. If dad is still doing bath time or mom is still doing after-school pickups, point out the unchanging routines.
  • Listen. Leave space and time for your children to express their emotions and react to the news. If they do not have the words for their feelings, you can help them and encourage them to talk out what they are feeling.
  • Avoid placing blame. As we said, being a united front is important, and even if you can’t be united, you should show some restraint when discussing the other party. That is still their parent and placing blame can impact your child more so than the other parent.
  • Avoid arguing. Arguing can make your child feel like they have to choose sides, act as a mediator, and/or isolate.

There’s no exact answer to how much or how little you should share with your children concerning your divorce. In planning how and what you will share, you should be age aware. Your child’s development age and maturity level can impact how much information and detail they can handle.

  • Young children may not fully grasp the finality of the situation and their parent’s ability to still love them if they fell out of love with each other. When you break the news to them, you should incorporate language that reinforces that this is permanent and that reminds them that your love for them for constant and unchanged.
  • Grade-school children may not understand that they are not to blame; they can also struggle with fantasies of reconciliation and processing their emotions. When you tell them you are getting divorced, clearly express your emotions (i.e. sorrow, loss of control, frustration, etc.) so that they have an example of how to process their emotions aloud. You may also consider discussing coping strategies that you use or have heard of that help you express your emotions (outside of voicing them).

biscuitsaccordionrat avatar

Telling kids about divorce or separation is a difficult conversation, but an essential one that shouldn't be delayed. Kids are smart, and may very well sense the tension at home, so it's important for mom and dad to address their concerns as soon as possible. I recommend that couples going through a divorce with kids first create a plan as to how and when to break the news and tell the children about their divorce. Ideally, the conversation should happen in person, with both parents and all children present.

Divorcing parents should also anticipate any questions their kids may have and how to answer them. Children may need some time to process the news, so make sure to let them know that they can talk to either parent whenever they need to. If your young child is having trouble coping with the divorce, a therapist can help them develop tools to work through their feelings during this difficult time.

How to Tell Children About Divorce:

"If you're a couple divorcing with young kids, you should prepare a narrative that you and your spouse can agree on and present this to your children together. Throughout the discussion, remind your children that although you and your spouse will no longer be husband and wife, you will always be their mom and dad.

Helping Kids with Divorce During the Process:

Prepare them for the potential of what is to come, reminding them all along the way that they will always be taken care of. Avoid bad-mouthing your partner and encourage your children to be open with both of you about questions or concerns.

Helping Kids Deal with Divorce After the Process:

Encourage them to discuss new traditions they might want to have that are unique to this new chapter in their lives and parent-child relationships. Remind them of routines that will stay the same so that your children can still feel they live in a structured, predictable environment.

AnswersUp_90488703 avatar

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Divorce can be difficult for children, but with sensitivity and care, it's possible to help them through this difficult time. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you talk to your children about your divorce:

1. Keep the conversation age-appropriate: Your children are at different developmental stages, so it's important to tailor the conversation to their individual needs. Your 11-year-old daughter may be able to handle more information than your 5-year-old son.

2.Reassure your children that they are loved: It's important to let your children know that the divorce is not their fault, and that both parents will continue to love and care for them.

3.Answer their questions: Children may have many questions about the divorce, and it's important to answer them honestly and in a way that they can understand. Avoid placing blame on either parent, and focus on the fact that the divorce is a grown-up decision that has nothing to do with the children.

4.Keep the conversation open: Let your children know that they can come to you with any questions or concerns they have. Encourage them to express their feelings, and be prepared to listen without judgment.

5.Seek support: Divorce can be tough for children, and it's important to provide them with the support they need. Consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor who can work with your children to help them cope with the divorce.

I hope this helps. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you have any other questions.


How should I tell my kids about my divorce?
When talking to your children about your divorce, it is important to approach the conversation with caution. 

Start by expressing your love for them and that you will always be there for them. 

Explain that the divorce is not their fault and that you and your partner have decided to separate. 

Let them know that you understand that it may be difficult for them to understand, but you are both still their parents and will always be there for them. 

Reassure them that you both still love them and will continue to be a part of their lives. 

Explain that you will both still be involved in their lives and that you will both be there to support them. 

Lastly, let them know that it is okay to feel sad and that you are there to talk to them if they need it.

EPra avatar

It's hard to tell the truth to children who don't understand adult problems. Nonetheless, this should be announced; sooner or later. The problem is when and how. Because the children are still small, I think, it takes getting used to or diverting your children's attention from your habit of being together so far. 

So, for the initial stage, just say (by you and your ex-husband on different occasions) to the children that your ex-husband has changed/moved jobs or has certain needs regularly outside the home so that he cannot be (together) every day, but Your ex-husband must also make time to meet the children at least once a week. Lying for the good of the children in this case will actually reduce their grief.

While this method is working, you should also distract them from the problem, for example by taking them for a walk, traveling, buying gifts, farming, and the like (you know better about the needs of your own children). Over time, if they already used to this situation, start to understand the situation, and/or are ready to accept it, it's time for you to talk about the truth. Wounds in the heart certainly need time, and speed up the healing process with the right way and the right diversion.


Telling your children about a divorce is a difficult conversation to have, but there are some steps you can take to help minimize the impact on your kids. Here are some tips:

Have the conversation together: If possible, it's best if both you and your partner can sit down with your children together to talk about the divorce. This can help to reinforce the message that you both love your kids and will continue to be there for them.

Be honest but age-appropriate: It's important to be honest with your kids about the divorce, but you should also make sure that you're speaking in language that is appropriate for their age. Avoid using complex legal or emotional language that may be difficult for them to understand.

Reassure them that they are not to blame: Children often blame themselves for their parents' divorce, so it's important to reassure them that it's not their fault. Explain that sometimes adults can't make a relationship work, but that both parents still love their children and will continue to be there for them.

Listen to their concerns: Your children will likely have questions and concerns about the divorce, so make sure to listen to them and validate their feelings. Don't dismiss their worries, but instead, try to address them in a calm and reassuring way.

Keep the conversation positive: While a divorce is a difficult thing to go through, try to focus on the positives, such as the fact that both parents will continue to be a part of their lives and that they will still have a family that loves and supports them.

Remember that every family is different, and there is no one "right" way to talk to your kids about a divorce. However, by approaching the conversation with honesty, openness, and empathy, you can help to minimize the impact on your children and help them to adjust to the changes ahead.


First you sit your children down and tell them the truth. Be sincere and if your husband is a responsible parent in the future don't keep them away from each other


Telling your children about a divorce is undoubtedly a challenging and sensitive situation. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this difficult conversation:

Plan the Conversation:

  • Choose a time when you and your spouse can talk to your children together, if possible. Ensure there's enough time to address their questions and provide emotional support.

Be United:

  • Present a united front. Assure your children that both parents love them and emphasize that the divorce is not their fault. Reinforce that you will continue to be their parents and work together in their best interests.

Use Age-Appropriate Language:

  • Tailor your language to the age and understanding of each child. Keep it simple for the 5-year-old and provide more details to the 11-year-old as appropriate.

Be Honest, but Avoid Blame:

  • Be honest about the situation without blaming each other. Use neutral language and focus on the changes that will happen without assigning fault.

Assure Them of Your Love:

  • Repeatedly reassure your children that your love for them remains unchanged. Emphasize that your role as their parent will not change, even though the family structure is evolving.

Be Prepared for Their Reactions:

  • Understand that children may react differently. They may feel a range of emotions, including sadness, confusion, anger, or even relief. Allow them to express their feelings and be patient.

Answer Their Questions:

  • Encourage your children to ask questions. Be prepared to answer truthfully and age-appropriately. If you don't have an answer, let them know that you'll do your best to find out.

Provide Reassurance:

  • Reassure your children about practical matters, such as where they will live, how often they will see each parent, and how daily routines will be maintained.

Offer Emotional Support:

  • Let your children know it's okay to feel upset and that their emotions are valid. Encourage them to express their feelings and assure them that it's normal to have a range of emotions.

Seek Professional Help if Needed:

  • If you anticipate that the conversation may be particularly challenging or if your children are struggling to cope, consider involving a child psychologist or counselor to help guide the discussion.

Remember that ongoing communication, support, and reassurance are essential. Be patient with the process, and encourage open dialogue as your children adjust to the changes. Consider seeking the guidance of a family therapist or counselor to help your family navigate this transition.

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